333 Ways to Get Kicked Out of Walmart
by FanPyre-09
Summary: A side story to S2HF and a bit of back story on Emmett and Bella. I hope you like it.


_**A/N: I know that you guys have been waiting on an update on BID and S2HF but I have finals coming up this week (Dec 14-17) and will update as soon as I can. I will also be posting a new one-shot after finals that is actually a paper that I turned in yesterday. If you guys like it, I may expand it. Anyways, here is just something to tide you over until I can get around to actually updating a story. This Bella's POV. Enjoy and Review!

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**333 Ways to Get Kicked Out of Walmart**

1. Take someone's shopping cart and switch the items with stuff from the person next to them's cart

2. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along to avoid embarrassment

3. Smash the person in front of you on the head with a ham

4. Go up to some old geezer & say "Grandpa!!! You're ALIVE!!! It's a MIRACLE!!! etc."

5. Take something from someone else's cart, when they say "hey, that's mine! " call the security and say that the other ... person was trying to take your _____

6. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

7. Hide in the center of the clothes circle where people find shirts, and jump out and yell "!!!"

8. Go into the dressing room, wait a few minutes, then yell "THERES NO TOILET PAPER IN HERE!!"

9. Get a batman costume, put it on, and run around the store screaming at the top of your lungs, "COME ROBIN! TO THE BATMOBILE!"

10. Hide between clothing and then jump out and yell "PICK ME"

11. When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

12. Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men

13. Hide in a clothes circle. When someone with a shopping cart goes by stick your hand out and steal something from them

14. Grab a guitar and start singing Wake Me Up When September Ends in a loud shrieking half screaming voice

15. Randomly place 24 bags of candy in peoples carts

16. Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.

17. Go up to an employee and in a official tone say "code three in house ware" and see what happens

18. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department

19. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap

20. Set up a concert of singing hamster dolls. Get your friends and turn them on all at the same time. Then act like a conductor

21. Make up nonsense products and ask newly hired employees if there are any in stock, i.e., "Do you have any Shnerples here?"

22. Open a pack of yugioh cards and challenge random people to a "d-d-d-d-d-d-duel!"

23. While walking around alone, pretend someone is with you and get into a very serious conversation

24. Tape a walkie-talkie to the back of a Barbie doll and say to random people, "I know where you live..."

25. Attempt to drown in a kiddy pool...

26. Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it

27. Open up random packages in the toy aisle then walk off. If an employee asks what you're doing, just say "I changed my mind."

28. Run around Wal-Mart in a bathing suit singing the Surfin' USA theme song

29. Say things like, "Would you be as kind so to direct me to your Twinkies?"

30. If an employee comes within 30 ft scream "GET AWAY FROM ME!!!" Then run out of the store screaming

31. Walk up to an employee and ask questions like how come this store is called wal mart? Or what's up with your hair? Why do you people wear name tags can't you all remember your own names?

32. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles

33. Glare menacingly at anyone who comes within 40 ft of you. Then hiss like a snake and act like you're going to bite them

34. Throw a fake rubber snake into some lady's face and watch her freak out

35. Squeeze their legs and either sing, "I like to move it, move it! Or say "You got chicken legs!"

36. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."

37. While no one's watching quickly switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the rest room

38. Bring your pet pit-bull into Wal-mart. Act casual. If someone is brave enough to walk up to you and tell you to get out, simply reply "He's going to help me pick out his favorite dog food"

39. TP as much of the store as possible

40. Whenever you hear a voice saying, clean up etc fall to the ground sobbing screaming the voices!! then get back up & act normal

41. Dress up in a trench coat & wear sunglasses. Walk up to someone browsing and say "The rooster is in the nest" Wait for a reply. After they finish talking, hand them a cap gun and whisper "use this wisely."

42. Go to the music aisle and start singing horrible karaoke

43. Walk along look at someone giggle at them & say to no one... I know I know... hehehe keep doing it until they give you a weird look & walk off

44. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day

45. Go in to the camping department and enter a tent then tell random customers that they can come in if they bring a pillow from the bedding department

46. Broadcast K-mart commercials over the intercom

47. Go up to the bagel section with cream cheese all over your face. Then start chanting, "We love bagels! We love bagels!"

48. Over the intercom say there is a big sale on all items in electronics department and first 10 people to the check outs gets one item free... & see what happens

49. Randomly start putting different size undergarments in peoples carts

50. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners

51. Run through the store and jump on random peoples carts singing I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODYS NERVES!!

52. Go up to random people and poke them. If they ask you what you're doing or tell you to stop, tell them that you're trying to find out what they ate for dinner last night

53. Do your American Idol audition in front of the security cameras

54. Get a marker & go over all the barcodes with a line then go purchase your items... the person who is serving you will have to enter all the barcodes in by hand

55. Go up to some of the customers while your carrying a paper bag and say "trick or treat!" and if they don't give you anything, do the sad puppy dog face

56. Hide under a big pile of clothes and throw random objects at people when they walk by

57. Get a stuffed animal and go to the front of the store and begin stroking it lovingly, saying "Good girl, good Bessie."

58. Walk up to a pizza place and ask for a Mcchicken

59. Go to the bathroom with a cantaloupe (hidden) Make grunting noises and drop the cantaloupe in the toilet. Then say "Phew, That's better"

60. Put blue paint on your hand and when you see someone put your hand on their shirt and point at them and say, "A clue a clue!"

61. Go to a clerk and tell them u lost your son and ask if they can call his name over the speaker! When they ask u his name make up a ridiculous name

62. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters

63. While Humming the theme to Mission Impossible While wearing all black, knock over all of the cans

64. Take all the CD's put them in the wrong place and when an employee puts them all back yell at her and mess them up again

65. Go to the front of the store in a baby diaper and ask a macho guy to change you

66. Take a friend with you and a younger child and start arguing over who gets custody then have the child run away and out of the store and yell CILLY COME BACK!!!

67. Climb up a ladder & try doing a King Kong thing

68. Run through the make-up department and yell, "There's a dead body in aisle 3!!!"

69. Grab a can of whipped cream & find a bald guy Spray it on his head

70. Dress up in a fairy costume, and climb up a ladder and when people go by say "your wish is granted"

71. Dress up as a giant smiley face and whip price signs! Then yell "ROLLBACK!!!"

72. Walk up to someone act like you can read their mind & say... sir or madam... don't think that.

73. Walk towards a group of people and hit your head and say in a loud voice, "Shut up in there."

74. Put make up all over your face so it looks like a 2 year old did it and then say, "She's horrible at giving make-overs!" and point to a random woman.

75. Go up to random people and ask them if they will be your friends then link arms and start to sing the friends theme song

76. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store

77. Smear ketchup on yourself, lie on your back in the kids aisle, and pretend to be dead

78. Lay a 20 dollar bill on the ground and back away and when someone tries to pick it up run up to them and yell hands off my dollar!! Then got to a manager and tell him that they stole 20 dollars from you

79. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles

80. Try all of the sodas and put them back then say, "Yup, that stuff's not poisonous."

81. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down

82. Run up to random people and ask if they like green eggs and ham

83. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags, then attempt to fit others into very large gym bags

84. Bang on the pots and pans in the cooking aisle

85. Act as though you are being beaten and fall onto the ground screaming and having convulsions

86. Swing on the half price banners

87. Go up to a random person and tap on his/her shoulder. When the person looks at you, ask what and walk off like you're annoyed

88. Burp and say mmmm, tasty

89. Hold Barbie for ransom

90. Run around with a country music cd and sing Queen's "We Will Rock You"

91. throw random items over into the next aisle and see if you can score into someone's cart

92. Ride around in a Barbie jeep with Barbie in the front seat and act like you're talking to her by saying "Let's bust this joint!"

93. Wrap a hose around you and shout, "AAH! I'M BEING HELD HOSTAGE!"

94. Do your own radio show over the intercom

95. Go to the aisle with the Star Wars stuff and hold up a Luke Skywalker toy and say "Luke, I am your father" and make breathing noises in your darth vader mask

96. Glue pennies on the floor 'heads' side up

97. Knock over all the shelves and run around screaming 'EARTHQUAKE! EVERYON RUN!

98. find a pair of walkie talkies and have a conversation with your self when everyone is watching you

99. Go to the checkout and buy a bar of candy. Repeat, going to the same cash register, until the clerk notices

100. Grab heavy but not too heavy objects, and see who can throw them the most aisles over

101. Buy expensive stuff, go home and use white-out and a pen to change the price to something much lower, and the total much higher, then return and demand a refund

102. get a cardboard box, go in the store and pop out of the box and give out candy to passerby

103. Find the fish section and when someone walks by begin to pet the fish tank and say, "I know how you feel..."

104. Spill water on the floor, and run around claiming that the store is flooded

105. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner say "BEEP" in a loud voice. Repeat this for every item, and for other customers items

106. Scream really loudly and when someone tells you to be quiet scream, "I will not be silenced!!!!"

107. Hold a bag of frozen veggies over your head and yell "Fear me and my evil army of frozen carrots!!"

108. Hug someone randomly and say, "I love u mommy!"

109. Go in the undergarments section and ask random people if they think this will fit

110. Tie a plushie to one end of a string your ankle to the other end, and run around screaming "HELP! IT'S AFTER ME!"

111. Start yelling at the stuffed animals when there are people around

112. Grab some pampers Pull-Ups and while buying them yell at the clerk "Mommy, guess what? I'm a big kid now!!"

113. Go into the bedding department and with cookies in your hand lay on a bed then pretend ur having a nightmare about cookies and yell " COOKIE!! COOKIE!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!" Then start rolling around

114. Make evil eyes at someone and start whispering, "I'm the little girl from the well... I've been waiting..."

115. Go to the cafeteria area and buy frys. Then stand by the door and when people walk through throw the frys above their head like there getting married

116. look at old people with wide eyes saying, "I see dead people!"

117. Get a tent ( With holes preferably ) and tell people to come in your lair. When they do chuck popcorn at them and ask them who invited them in

118. Ride around on those electric cars and pretend that your a prissy English Man. Say things like "Cheerio, good man." to people who walk by. And don't forget to have perfect posture.

119. Chase your friends up and down aisles trying to run over them with those electric cars. Make sure to tell your friends to act like they don't know you.

120. Spend all your money riding on those little rides for toddlers. Fit the character; if you on a horse, then pretend that your a cowboy, etc. And if a little kid comes over wanting to use it, start barking at them until they run away crying.

121. Have silly string fights with a friend. Hide behind customers and "accidentally" hit the people instead of your friend.

122. Draw mustaches on all the pictures and mannequins.

123. Walk up to the customer service and when they say "Hello, how may I help you?" say "Yes, I'll have a Quarter Pounder with cheese, one strawberry shake, a large order of french fries and a diet coke." And when they start to talk, say "Oh, to go". Then when they say that they can't give it to you say "Oh, This is because I'm gay isn't it? I'd expect this from McDonalds, but not Walmart

124. Get popcorn and throw at customers, sneaking up on them in an un stealth-like way, while yelling random things

125. Start to madly scratch yourself and walk up to people asking where the rash cream is because your family and all your friends seem to have a rash too.

126. When your alone, have loud conversations with your "multiple personalities". Have an English man, a Southern person, someone from New York, a Grandma, and a 5 year old girl all at the same time. You have to use accents.

127. Start "dancing" like mad. Basically, just wail your arms and legs around like your having some kind of massive seizure.

128. Try on crazy costumes and walk casually through the store.

129. Stick your arm in your jacket and suspiciously start to leave the store. Get really tense and start to lean over as your walking through the doors As if your suspecting the alarms to go off. Then when it doesn't go off, let out a big sigh. Then quickly look around you to see who's watching and run away as fast as you can.

130. Balance EVERYTHING you see on the tips of your finger, your nose, your forehead, and the top of your head while singing the circus song.

131. Spend hours staring at a little blinking light. After a while, start saying blink everytime it blinks. Don't look away, just stay mesmerized.

132. Light a match under a sprinkler

133. Walk up to someone and say "Oh, so your back for more. I warned you never to come back here. Wait here while I go get my shot gun". Then walk away.

134. Buy something that is like $5 and give the cashier all pennies.

135. Walk up to a guy and say "Oh my god, is it you? Oh my god it is!!! I haven't seen you in so long!!!!" Then kiss him. Then slap and him say "Why didn't you ever call me??" Then walk away. Much more affective if you're a guy.

136. Stand next to a maniquin and pretend that your a mannequin. Try to hold the same position for as long as possible. Then finally as someone is walking by, check your watch and say. "Finally, my shift is done. I really don't get paid enough to do this"

137. Stare at the ceiling. See how many people look up.

138. Start singing oldies songs in to megaphone.

139. start hitting on the mannequins.

140. Super-glue a quarter to the floor and count how many people try to pick it up.

141. Switch the price tags with something expensive and something really cheap.

142. Put women's clothes into men's carts.

143. Put preppy stuff, like short skirts and whatnot, into old men's carts when they aren't looking.

144. Run around in front of a mirror screaming "COPYCAT!"

145. Bring a friend and a stopwatch. Get carts and race around. every time you nock something over, subtract a second from your time. You usually get kicked out before you figure out who won.

146. Find a couple. Run up to the one who is an opposite gender from you, slap them, and say "WHAT IS THIS? I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAL!!!"

147. Go up to an assistant and ask for mayonnaise. When they say they don't have it, start crying and scream, "Now how am I supposed to paint my toenails?!?"

148. Lay on the floor and do a ground angel

149. Steal their ketchup, go on the counter, smear ketchup all over you and say HELP ME HELP ME! OMG! THE HOTDOG KILLED ME!

150. Start jumping on one of their beds attempt to fall asleep until one guy tells you to get off. Then yell 'HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!?!? GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! GET AWAY FROM MY BED!!!!"

151. Run around switching all of the open signs on the cash registers to closed and all of the closed signs to open. Watch the customers get confused.

152. Ask for Goat Milk

153. Make sure somebody's in the same aisle, then run screaming into a wall. Fall down and say "AHHH! The pain, the horrible, terrible pain!" Until someone asks if you're alright. When they do, get up and say, "Yes, I'm fine, why?" And then walk away calmly like nothing happened.

154. Dress up as an emo kid, then scream at people, "WHY HAVE YOU COME TO WORSEN MY MISERY?!"

155. Dress up as a ninja and go around the store karate chopping people

156. Ride a horse on a stick toy thing and have your friend pull you around the store on a skateboard while you scream, "The British are coming! The British are coming!"

157. Turn a cart over and put towels over it so they can't see in. when someone starts to open it, start yelling "Hey, I'm Using the Bathroom in here!!!"

158. Buy a chocolate bar, go to the bathroom, smear chocolate on your hand, reach under the next stall and ask, "Can I have some toilet paper?"

159. Take a fishing pole, tie it to a dollar, and go fishing for humans!

160. Climb up to one of the really high shelves and start singing Christmas carols at the top of your lungs. Works better around summer.

161. Get a mirror and put it on top of a cart so it lay across it. Get on top and have someone push you down an isle, and Sing "Surfin' USA"

162. When the intercom comes on, fall on your knees and scream in tears of joy, "God has spoken!!!"

163. Get on a bike and ride around and crash into everything and everyone who gets in your way.

164. Pour a bunch of lemonade from the entrance to the bathroom and come out saying someone should have told me where the bathroom was quicker!

165. Steal guns and ammo and shoot all the TV's you can find. whoever blows up most wins

166. Get an umbrella and have someone in a cart (or just a tall person) pour water on it while you sing Raindrops Are Fallin' On My Head.

167. Call the front desk and when they answer the phone say I'm sorry, your call could not be completed as dialed. Please hang up and try again. Then call and say I'm sorry, I will have to put you on hold. Can you call back? I'm busy on isle 3.

168. Go into one of those employees only doors and go behind some food shelves. when people reach out to grab food, grab their arm and start to pull on it.

169. eat all the ice cream boxes and then blame it on a worker with ice cream all over your face

170. Pour carrots on the floor so the employees have to pick it up. Continue doing it for a long period of time.

171. Skate around on a skateboard, then fall over and pretend to break your leg.

172. Start playing the violin.

173. Stare at a blank T.V, for an hour and when somebody asks what your doing, answer, "Shh, this is my favorite show!"

174. Stand on the conveyor belt at the check out with a barcode on your forehead.

175. Start saying stuff like argetrargrehargenstartgen to everyone who walks in.

176. walk around in dirty cloths and eat all the produce lika a bum

177. Poke people and run away screaming, "Don't touch me!!!"

178. Stare at people for a minute and then smile at them happily

179. Beat your chest and run around screaming like Tarzan.

180. Throw stuff on the floor and start yelling at an imaginary friend.

181. Shoot spitwads at people and then fall on the ground laughing hysterically

182. Go into a bathroom that is of the opposite gender of yourself and open the stalls saying, "Ooh la la!"

183. Walk up to random people, give them a hug, and say, "I love you!"

184. Dress up as an old man and start stealing stuff

185. Start a fire, then sit around it with your friends in Indian clothes.

186. Walk around in a court jester costume

187. Run at people with a pitch fork

188. Pretend that you're having a heart attack

189. Throw tomatoes at people and then tackle them

190. Get on the intercom and calmly say, "Attention shoppers. I would like to inform you that the world is about to end, and that there's a sale on isle two."

191. Buy a carton of vanilla ice cream, run up to the cash register, tell the cashier you forgot your money, then start dancing like Napoleon Dynamite, screaming, "Where's my chap stick?!"

192. Pretend to be Spiderman by running up walls and trying to save people

193. Claim isle three as your 'Secret Lair'

194. Run around the store singing the My Little Pony theme song as loud as you can.

195. Get a giant Christmas stocking and hop around in it like it's a potato sack on field day

196. Build a wall out of stuffed animals

197. Put on a cape and run around singing the Phantom of the Opera

198. Yell curse words at people

199. Knock down as many displays as you can

200. Go up to a random old guy with white hair and say, "I want Bratz for Christmas! Thank you Santa!" and then give him a hug and run away.

201. Dress up in a super villain costume and then go around the store yelling, "MARRY ME!" to random people

202. Go up to a tough looking guy and push him and say you wanna fight? And when he pushes back start to cry and run away

203. Point to a cash register and ask the cashier, "How much is that?"

204. Get a tent and campout with the Barbie dolls in the toy isle

205. Chew gum loudly in people's faces

206. Throw a poke-ball at someone and yell, "PIKACHU, I CHOOSE YOU!"

207. Turn on all the flashlights, hang them from the ceiling, stand under them, scatter confetti at your feet, and start singing, using a Barbie as a microphone.

208. Play baseball in the middle of the store, then score a home run and run around the store screaming.

209. Flirt with someone, plan a date, and then break up with them, all in 10 minutes.

210. Get a cart and pile it high with items. When the cashier tells you the price, exclaim, "What a rip off!" And walk out of the store.

211. Start singing, "Tinkle, tinkle, little star! In a toilet that's real far! Up above us in the sky! It's weird to learn that pee does fly! Make sure it does never land! In my, my, my, my, my hand!"

212. Find all the beans you can and put them in your cart, and then tell random people that it's your breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the next couple years.

213. Pay for your stuff with all pennies, and then come up one too short.

214. Scream, "Look! Someone's stealing an old lady's purse!" and when they look away, take all the stuff in their cart and throw it around the store shouting "I'm a terrorist!"

215. Run out of the dressing room screaming, "Michael Jackson has my dad!"

216. Go to the pet isle. Point to a fish and say, "I'll have that one. And that one. And that one..." Keep going until you've pointed to every fish they have in stock

217. Tap dance through the store

218. Change the music on the intercom to Mexican

219. Rip open every package you see

220. Get on a bike and have your friend chase you. Pretend you are going to run over somebody and then move out the way.

221. Stand in front of the security camera and pretend to die (dramatically)

222. Scream "SECURITY!" as loud as you can. When they come up act all panicky and say "This is really important!" Then smile and say, "Hi."

223. Sing "Mary Had A Little Lamb" as loud as you can in the music section, then smile and say "Well, it's the music section so I thought you might like some live music." Then sing it again.

224. Run around with underwear on your head, screaming, "I am Captain Underpants!"

225. Follow a male security dude and ask him where the "feminine needs" are.

226. Go to the toy isle, set up the GI joe figures and yell, " Then it's WAR!!!"

227. Pull down your pants next to a flower display and "water" the flowers.

228. Go to the bakery section and yell "I LOVE PIE!" to everyone you see.

229. Take all the pets out of their cages, including the fish.

230. Grab a strawberry shortcake doll and go to the bakery section. Tell the baker "I'd like to buy strawberry shortcake!" and hold the doll in their face.

231. Scream, "GET OUT OF MY YARD!" to everyone who walks by you.

232. Announce that there's a huge sale at Target

233. Throw a party in a busy isle

234. Test drive lawn mowers

235. Have a tennis tournament in the middle of the store

236. Throw all the bouncy balls in the toy section everywhere and let them bounce around

237. Carry a bomb and make it explode

238. Eat a bunch of candy and refuse to pay for it

239. Go to the in store restaurant and order anything. When receiving it tell them that this was not what you wanted. Refuse to pay and go tell the manager

240. Hide in a pile of plushies and then jump out at people who walk by

241. Act like an old lady and scream, "AH! I broke my back! This wouldn't happen at Target!"

242. Pretend to be a life size Barbie. When someone wants to buy you, run away screaming that someone was trying to kidnap you.

243. Take a marker to all the happy faces. Then change the prices. That will start an uproar

244. When a clerk stops you and asks your name read their name of their id card. When they say it's not your name scream, "IDENTITY THEFT!!!"

245. Throw jelly sweets at the cashiers

246. Steal a shopping cart(As in take it out of the store and put it in your car)

247. Ride on the back of the carts. (they hate it when you do that) Run into other carts yelling like a maniac.

248. Follow one person around the store. Poke them ever so often. When the snap and yell at you scream, "STALKER!!"

249. Pretend like you're a person who works there and walk around saying, "Can I help you find anything?"

250. Spill cooking oil all over the floor and then slide in it

251. Pretend like you're blind and can't find what your looking for. Go up to random people and ask, "Will you help me find some cat food for Fluffy?"

252. Bowl with bottles full of open soda

253. Run around with a bowl of cheerios yelling, "It lowered my cholesterol!"

254. Order a pizza from the cashier

255. Ask to have your pizza shaken, not stirred

256. Start a food fight

257. Go up to a fat woman and say, "Taxi?"

258. Put underwear over your shorts, get a blue shirt, yellow paint, and red paint, paint an s on the shirt, go to the material section, cut a red cape, then get an umbrella, open it, and jump off the tops of shelves.

259. Take the spray paint and paint all the people around you

260. Go up to random people and hug them while putting a 'Kick Me' sign on the back of their shirt

261. Hide in dark places with a golden ring. when people walk by, jump out at them hissing, "We wants it! You cants have it!" Then gently whisper, "it will be alright my precious"

262. Flip off the manager

263. Go to the food section, take all of the boxed items out, and stack them up to make a fort. Glue can help. And creating a 'distraction' elsewhere for the employees to handle while you work does too...

264. Drop a pen and let someone else go and pick it up for you. When they do try to pick it up yell to them, "HEY THATS MY PEN THEIF!"

265. Bring a slip n' slide blast some Music and bring some random people to it and kick their back so they slide accross the slip n' slide and scream "PARTY IN THE HIZ HOUSE!!!!!!!"

266. Throw a dance party

267. Write on the floors

268. Pull all the clothes off the racks into a pile on the floor and hide under it, and when someone tries to pick the clothes up, leap out cackling madly and run down the aisles, still cackling.

269. Go up to someone and say "look over there" Then pull down their pants. And, if you're lucky, their underwear.

270. Pretend to have an asthma attack, and when someone tries to help you, bite them. Or pretend to faint.

271. Get a bag of chips and walk around the store eating them. When an employee tries to stop you or make you pay, tell them that they're your chips! Keep screaming it.

272. Spray a customer with pepper spray and scream, "Help! Help! He's a rapist!"

273. Pretend to be a rabid dog and run around growling at people. Then if someone tries to stop you, bite them.

274. Lie on the floor. Just lie there. It is guaranteed to freak people out. Either pretend to be asleep, or to have passed out.

275. Take toys and put them on the floor and take a cart. Start running over the toys screaming, "Monster Truck Mania!!!"

276. Climb up the shelves/storage units, then refuse to come down.

277. Take red juice Pour it on your face make streaks or stripes then layout on the floor with a flower in your hand when a crowd of people come stand up and walk like a zombie!

278. Grab a bowl, spoon, milk, and cereal. Eat it right there and tell them you'll pay when your done.

279. Stand on the conveyer belt when your checking out and walk like its a treadmill... then ask for a speed increase

280. Wrap yourself in toilet paper rolls and pretend to be a mummy looking for your wife, Cleopatra

281. Follow a stranger around and mimic them. Continue doing this for a long period of time.

282. If you are in Target, say there is a code yellow

283. Get some candy corn form the candy aisle put two on your canine teeth and go around the store biting peoples necks

284. Flirt with the manager's wife

285. Walk calmly to the CDs, when u see one that has Hilary Duff, yell (if you're a fan) OHMIGOD! HILARY'S LATEST! OHMIGOSH, I, LIKE HAVE TO HAVE THIS! (if you're not a fan) Find a hammer, take the CD, gently put it on the floor, then mash it like a madman.

286. Run around spinning and say you're the Tasmanian devil

287. Run around in circles and yell, "I'M THE CIRCLE MAN!"

288. Announce a sock-sliding contest and take off your shoes and start sliding. It's actually really fun...

289. Go up to a employee ask for a application and where it says goals write down 'to take over Wal-Mart' and turn it in

290. Get a water gun and threaten someone with it. A cashier is usually a prime candidate. Then say in a low, dangerous voice (without collapsing into laughter) "Empty out the cash register."

291. Take a soda, shake it up, and then spray it at people.

292. Hide in the clothes so when someone comes to look you yell, "PICK ME!"

293. Request that an employee find you an imaginary product, then keep saying: "I know it's here somewhere, just keep looking!" Eventually the employee will run out of patience, so then you say: "You've been punked!" And run out screaming and laughing. (Maybe you won't get kicked out, but you'll freak an employee out...)

294. Print out a bunch of advertisements for Target, Marshalls, etc... Then calmly go around taping/gluing/stapling them to products, people, and walls. It helps to have a WHOLE lot of them.

295. Move things around. (Put frozen food in with the barbies, etc...)

296. If a fat person has a twinkies in their cart take it out and start eating it and spit it out on them and yell, "That crud is sick!"

297. Point at an old man and yell, "LOOK EVERYONE! IT'S BRITNEY SPEARS!"

298. Put a ski mask on and wear a black cape with black clothes and a fake sword and yell, "Zoro has returned!"

299. Dress up as an old lady and whack people with your purse and when employees come to stop you, pretend to faint

300. Go to Wal-Mart at 2:00 in the morning and do cartwheels around the store screaming, "I'm pregnant!"

301. Put on a long wig and claim to be Pocahontas

302. Break some glass, then accuse a flying monkey

303. Threaten a cashier with a candy bar

304. Bring in scissors and glue. If anyone asks, tell them you are fulfilling your dream of giving Wal Mart a Make Over.

305. Buy a bag of candy. Start to walk away, then ask if you can exchange them. Repeat until they get angry.

306. Go to the dairy section and protest against milking cows. Say things like, "What if the cows aren't ok with us milking them? Cows have rights too!"

307. Redecorate the Rollback Smiley Face so he is green with neon pink eyes.

308. Go up to the manager and ask where the nearest K-Mart is.

309. If you see a couple holding hands, run through their hands and scream, "RED ROVER!"

310. Grab a gnome, then hide in a clothes rack and when someone picks out a shirt or whatever jump out and yell "The gnome did it! The gnome did it!" Then throw the gnome and run.

311. Put up free sample signs all over the store and watch people leave with their "free samples."

312. Run around the store screaming, "OMG! HELP! PINTO BEANS ARE TAKING OVER COSTCO! AHHH!"

313. In Walmart, they give out free stickers. Take them and decorate your body with them. 314. Get a bunch of your friends, about 10 or more, and go up to a lady who looks like she's in her 20's. When there are lots of people around, ask, "Mommy? Can we have some ice cream?"

315. Spit in the manager's face

316. Stare at a customer for a long time while saying, "Hello, hello, hello" nonstop until they get really mad

317. Go to customer service and say, "Your fat vallet guy stole my car."

318. Put an "Out of Order" sign on the manager's butt

319. Go up to customers and whisper, "Seven Days..." and if they turn around, pelt them with Skittles

320. Melt chocolate, then scream, "Free face masks!"

321. Wear a pair of bright yellow pants on your head and run around screaming, "They Got Me!!"

322. Slap the manager and scream, "He's alive! He's ALIVE!!!"

323. Put a lot of matches and gasoline in your cart, then smile at people

324. Run around the store five times, and when you are done, scream, "I WIN!" and do a victory dance

325. Let a collie lose in the store, then scream, "Lassie, come home!"

326. Make your friend that's a guy try on girl clothes and then have him run around like a crazy person.

327. Hide in a boys clothes rack, and when a boy with glasses walks by, scream, "You're a wizard, Harry!"

328. Grab lots of G.I. Joe action figures and Water Bombs and yell, "ITS WAR!!!" whenever someone walks by and throw the bombs at them.

329. Put a Dora toy on the floor and when someone tries to pick it up, yell, "Swiper No Swiping!"

330. Buy a fake but expensive looking vase. (ex. a cheap glass pot.) Fill it with some ash and soot. Then take it to an employee, bump into him and drop it so it shatters. Then keep screaming at him that it was your mother and you will sue him for every thing he owns, and tell him he has to pick it up then and there or he will be cursed for 10 years.

331. Put a squirt gun in a stuffed elmo's hand and scream, "Everybody down!! Elmo's got a gun!"

332. Drive around in a kiddie car singing the batman theme song.

333. Run around with underwear on your head screaming, "I'm Blind!!!

/*/*/*/*/*/

"Emmett, have you learned your lesson? Or do we need to start keeping you at home during the summer?" Charlie asked. He had like the idea of making a list of all that Emmett had done while he was at the convention. Boy, was he surprised when he found out that his own son was the Walmart Bandit of Seattle.

"It won't happen again, I promise," Emmett said as he hung his head. He looked so heart-broken. I just laughed and went back to reading my book. Poor Emmett.

_**A/A/N: I hope you liked it and be sure to review!**_


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